I don’t know why, but many men think marrying a Filipina means they don’t have to work at the marriage like they would if they married a woman from their own country. Filipina’s are women, just the same as American females or English females. Women. A strange breed to us men and full of surprises.
We choose Filipina’s in the most part because they accept us as we are, more so than the women back home. Modern American women, for instance, seem hellbent on proving that they are not just our equals, but superior to us mere males. OK, maybe they are, but the Filipina is more inclined to let us
believe we are in charge! They are more old fashioned, the kind of woman Dad married and all of that, but they are women all the same. So, after the killer divorce and the cleaning out of your bank account
you turn your attention eastwards and look for solace in the loving arms of a woman maybe 20 years your junior (on average), maybe more. What have you two got in common? Why is she willing to accept you, a fat, forty plus foreigner, maybe fifty or sixty plus? She is this exotic, 20 something beauty, why you?
There are as many reasons as there are Filipina’s, but two or three seem pretty constant and recurring. Firstly, you are the exotic one. She will want children and the Filipino obsession with fair skin and western features means the offspring will be guaranteed to be beautiful!
Secondly, most Filipina’s either have difficulty judging our age ( a common thing with many Asian women) or prefer a more mature man. A man less likely to stray and more likely to stay. And usually more financially secure. Which brings us to reason number three. The majority of western men who marry a Filipina do not marry into money. They do not court and wed a young lady, half their age, from the monied classes. They marry women from the lower socio-ecoomic strata. That’s pretty much a fact. What else is a fact is that the rich Filipino’s daughter has everything she needs, money, education, travel potential and thus doesn’t need an average Joe from Hangnail, Iowa to sweep her off her feet and to a life of luxury in the land of plenty.
The girl you are most likely to meet will be lucky if she ever went to college. If she did, I doubt it was the Filipino Ivy League variant. Her family will be large, extended and some may be looking forward to your largesse, even if the immediate family are not. Her English may not be as fluent as first thought, there will be numerous opportunities to practise your communication skills in the years to come as she takes your words and interprets them completely about face to how they were intended.
However, despite her humble origins, she will be loving, loyal and dedicated to your well being. Most of them will be, anyway. There are bad apples in the Filipina barrel the same as there are men you would be ashamed to inflict upon your ex-wife! To her, even a regular working stiff has a life of plenty she has only dreamed of. If you take her back to the States, she will have a major period of adjustment to get through, and so will you. Don’t expect her to know the “simplest” things we take for granted, like what goes in the refrigerator and what doesn’t. Everything will go in there and on a plate covered by another plate, even if you have a saran wrap factory dumping free samples in your
backyard.
It won’t be long before you are faced with the eternal question: how much do you give to the family back in “da province”, if anything? How do you say enough is enough? At some stage there will be an emergency and you will want to help. At other times you may feel like a walking ATM machine with a
neon sign on your head reading “patsy”. Your mileage will vary as eac marriage is different, but here are a few tips I have gathered from friends and my own experience.
Set a limit to how much she is allowed to remit to her family each month. A hundred bucks goes a long way over here and shouldn’t break anyone’s bank, especially if both of you are working. It helps the family out while not giving anyone an excuse to give up their job and hang around the Western Union office every second day. (Western Union, by the way, is an expensive but fast and reliable way to send money. I’d advise you find another way as the fees get pretty high.) Sending too much means family members just might not have any reason to work and support themselves. Sending too little is stingy and insulting, better to send nothing. Some couples never send any money on a regular basis
simply to avoid having relatives depend on them for their livelihood. Some people I know only send money when a specific request is made, such as for a funeral, birth, hospital emergency etc. In some families, they lead lives far more exciting than the average soap opera cast and seem to be forever in
dire peril.
Everyone needs to set their own limits, and make sure you do make at least a mental decision to give X and no more. If your wife works then it is fair enough to let her decide how much of her salary she will send to her family. Some may send all because they are so warm and generous by nature. Others may do the same but only to show off to the family back home. Family ties are strong and not always clear cut, so don’t be in a hurry to apply your homespun American values on your new Filipina bride. Take the time to really learn why she does as she does.
Then there will be the time when you simply can’t afford to send what is asked, or you don’t want to. Everyone has a limit. The best way to deal with a request for money is to tell whoever is asking that you will think about it. It’s a lot of money and you need time to assess the request. Then you do nothing. If they ask again, you can tell them you are still thinking. By now they should have taken your polite hint that the answer is no. If they ask a third time, either the situation is desperate, or the borrower is. That’s up to you to decide.
Never loan money to relatives, always consider it a gift, even if the arrangement is, on the surface, a loan. That way if you never see the money again, for whatever reason, you aren’t disappointed. Another way to handle the request is to tell them that you can’t afford it this month, but you will see if you have enough next month. If they ask again next month, then repeat the excuse.
The whole secret is to never say “NO” directly. There is no reason to say the “N” word, Filipino’s don’t. That is why they will take your order for a drink, knowing full well they are out of stock of whatever it was you ordered. It is more important that they don’t offend you than actually serve you what you ordered. Get it? So do the same and nobody will be upset. Simple. More or less!
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